I hate shopping.

The title says it all: I hate shopping. I really do. I have never liked it. My sister, she loves shopping - retail therapy and she's really good at it. You wouldn't believe the deals she finds. I get very nervous shopping with her. I'm a 'take-a-deep-breath-and-get-in-and-get-out-as-fast-as-you-can' shopper. God bless my sister, she thoroughly enjoys the shopping experience and, relaxes and meanders. I don't meander in stores. You ought to see me hyperventilate if I have to try on clothes: #1, those fitting rooms are smaller than elevators; #2, there is no air flow in there; and #3, they're smaller than elevators.

Every two weeks, I have to shop to buy groceries. A lot of friends be like: have it delivered or just pick it up. Those are very good ideas, except for the fact, I am very particular on what I put in  my cart, and even though I hate shopping, I'm going to pick out my items. quickly. Anyone else ignore the first item on the shelf and reach behind it for one in back? I know you do, there's a meme floating on a social media site which shall not be named here. I do this. Sometimes, I feel kind of sorry for that first item and imagine there is an island for first items on the shelf, like the island for misfit toys in the 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' Christmas show. What is the name of that Jack-in-a-box that is not Jack? Anyway, once in awhile, I imagine that sad can of peas on that island, and I grab the first one and quickly put it in my cart and leave the area. I've told my boys that I am not crazy, I am entertaining. Are you laughing yet? Cuz I am laughing at my absurdity that is me shopping. I do trust my son - he works at the store, and he's been known to grab dented cans (I've accused him of doing this on purpose, which he admits he does, cuz it's the same as a non-dented can, and then I imagine that island for dented items again) and carry on with the dented can in my cart, which I've gotten better at using. I come from the time when dented cans meant you died from botulism, or something like that. I'm not really sure if that was ever true, but I did hear my Grandma E say that once and, from that point on - I was petrified of dented cans. My son was a sous chef for 7 years, he knows his dented cans. I still give him the eye when he brings it home, or puts it in the cart and then, he gives me the eye back and we carry on. We've saved a few dented can from that island of misfit and dented grocery items.

Today's shopping required me having to get a new curling iron. My old curling iron finally died. It had a good life. I seriously cannot remember when I bought this one. All of the print and the heat numbers wore off a long time ago. Today, it tried to heat up to the highest number that used to be there, by burning the tops of both of my ears and got a finger, but couldn't control my hair (which needs high heat to control it). So, I took a deep breath and headed to the hair product aisle, before heading to the grocery aisles. It is convenient for me that I can get everything in one store. Thus only one panic attack instead of two. As, I stood looking at all of the choices of curling irons, I felt overwhelmed. Yes, it just might have been that long since I bought my old curling iron, as I don't remember this many choices. I can start to feel anxiety settling in. I am shopping, I hate shopping, and I have no clue what I need to get for a curling iron. Don't forget the price - no, I refuse to spend $50 for a curling iron. I like my hair smooth, but not at that price. I don't think so. So, anxiety is setting in. I'm trying to take deep breaths to stall panic ( I do have anxiety disorder, so this is a real thing, I'm not joking here). I'm just getting a curling iron, for crying in the beer, what is the big deal? Deep breath! Why so many choices? As, I'm standing there battling the fight or flight that goes with anxiety, another customer comes down the aisle. I don't dare look up, or she will see a person with the look of a 'deer the headlight' panic and I might scare the bajeebers out of her. And, then - a hug and a smile from God. The other customer wasn't alone. The small toddler in her cart starts singing, as loud as he can: 'the wheels on the bus go round and round'. It was the only line of the song he knew, and he kept singing it. His mom hushed him, but he wasn't about to be hushed. He sang the line again, loud. It made me smile. She hushed him again. I could breathe again, listening to this child. I knew the curling iron I needed and grabbed it off the hook and put it in my cart. He sang the same line again: 'the wheels on the bus go round and round'. I'm shopping and I'm smiling. I miss the sound of a young one singing. I haven't seen my grandchildren in almost 7 years and it hurts so bad. We used to sing that song together, my grandkids and I. So, the sound of this little one singing that same line over and over, was a balm to my anxious soul and calmed me to pick out a curling iron and finish shopping. I looked at the mom, smiling and I told her to: 'let him sing, he just made my day and I was going to sing with him, but I didn't want to upset him so he'd stop singin'. She smiled back and said 'he loves that song'. I said, 'I do to, thank you'. I went on my way, with my new curling iron, even picked out some new barrettes and then went to get the groceries, all the time humming: 'the wheels on the bus go round and round.....all through the town.'

God knew I was hurting and that I hate shopping and I needed that little one singing that song. The title of my blog is when I make God smile - today, He made me smile.